Steve Jobs today unveiled Apple’s latest innovation, the
iChild. The basic model is a three year old boy or girl with a 130
IQ. Each iChild can read, write and do math at a third grade level
and works with peripherals such as a piano, football or digital
camera. The product comes standard with a GAP Kids wardrobe and
speaks with a charming British accent. The $1999 price tag drew gasps
from the crowd but Apple’s loyal fans are sure to add iChild to their
must have list.
Microsoft CEO, Steve Ballmer, announced MSTeen would hit shelves first with more features and at a much lower cost. “MSTeen will ship with a driver’s license and part time job to offset maintenance costs. A much better deal than iChild, Hoo Yeah!” Ballmer exclaimed. Steve Jobs countered in a Wired interview that teens come with their own expensive needs including higher auto insurance costs, iPods, acne cream and looming college tuition. “iChild is fully compatible with every customer’s lifestyle. Buddhist, Catholic, Jewish, Muslim and more; iChild will have every major belief system preloaded. Further customization is possible with free downloads at Mac.com. Into NASCAR, yoga or sailing? iChild can be ready to integrate with your interests in a flash.”
But yesterday Ballmer stunned the audience at Microsoft’s press conference by meekly walking onto the stage and postponing the debut of MSTeen. He claimed the delay was due to last minute enhancements but an inside source said the MSTeen prototype had come down with chicken pox, hysterical pregnancy and broken an ankle.
One reviewer who obtained a company video of MSTeen said claims that the product was a typical teen didn’t ring true. “The guy I saw was just laying there on the couch drinking Bud Lite. Instead of MSTeen they should name their product MSCan’tHoldAJobSoI’mBackLivingWithMomAdult. I wouldn’t pay $1200 to hear a 40 year old slob belch the National Anthem.” Ballmer promised that a service pack due out next fall would boost MSTeen’s IQ to a level that would make “passing eighth grade highly probable.”
Originally appeared in Demockeracy.com
Microsoft CEO, Steve Ballmer, announced MSTeen would hit shelves first with more features and at a much lower cost. “MSTeen will ship with a driver’s license and part time job to offset maintenance costs. A much better deal than iChild, Hoo Yeah!” Ballmer exclaimed. Steve Jobs countered in a Wired interview that teens come with their own expensive needs including higher auto insurance costs, iPods, acne cream and looming college tuition. “iChild is fully compatible with every customer’s lifestyle. Buddhist, Catholic, Jewish, Muslim and more; iChild will have every major belief system preloaded. Further customization is possible with free downloads at Mac.com. Into NASCAR, yoga or sailing? iChild can be ready to integrate with your interests in a flash.”
But yesterday Ballmer stunned the audience at Microsoft’s press conference by meekly walking onto the stage and postponing the debut of MSTeen. He claimed the delay was due to last minute enhancements but an inside source said the MSTeen prototype had come down with chicken pox, hysterical pregnancy and broken an ankle.
One reviewer who obtained a company video of MSTeen said claims that the product was a typical teen didn’t ring true. “The guy I saw was just laying there on the couch drinking Bud Lite. Instead of MSTeen they should name their product MSCan’tHoldAJobSoI’mBackLivingWithMomAdult. I wouldn’t pay $1200 to hear a 40 year old slob belch the National Anthem.” Ballmer promised that a service pack due out next fall would boost MSTeen’s IQ to a level that would make “passing eighth grade highly probable.”
Originally appeared in Demockeracy.com
